I Have Returned

So my trip to Arizona went well. My flights and the overall traveling experience was better than I could have hoped. I usual tend to get a bit claustrophobic on the plane, especially for eleven hours, but it all went well. The perk of the H1N1 piggy scare is that very few people are traveling. My flight to the states was nearly empty and I had my own row. My flight back to Japan was similarly populated but I was seated next to some skinny Japanese people, that allowed me to usurp some of their elbow room. There were no crying children like my flight to Rome and there were no karate practitioners honing their skills on the back of my seat like my flight from Barcelona. They were good traveling experiences this time.

It was a bit strange returning to America. As the JET infomercials stated, there was a bit of reverse-culture shock and my first attempt at driving my car led me errantly down the left side of the road for a moment. I did decide to get all of the culture shock out of my system in one fell swoop. My first stop, after I slept off the jet lag, was to the hub of American culture, in its most repulsive and repugnant incarnation, Walmart. It was a planned trip, designed to shock my mind back into the way of the "American Way." The second I entered the store I felt my soul cry. There were children running aimlessly, hyped up on sugar and Ritalin and adults shuffling about in slippers and stretch pants, to better suit their flab, pushing carts filled to the brim with cheap Chinese made goods.

Now, I'm not going to lie to you all, I enjoy Walmart for two reasons. First, because they have a five dollar DVD bin and one can always find a decent deal there. And secondly, because Walmart is to me, what IHOP is to Lewis Black. (If you have never heard Lewis Black, the comedian, talk about IHOP, I suggest you YouTube that.) Mr. Black states that he considers IHOP to be his health club because, "No matter how fat you are, there will always be someone there who weighs 350 pounds more than you will ever weigh." And thus is true for Walmart as well. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, Walmart is a cesspool for Americanism, where hope and self-respect go to die a horrible and miserable death. (my own included)

Now purged of my own feeling of superiority over the Walmart shoppers, I could enjoy my vacation. A vacation which included a trip to the dentist, a few loving family dinners, a graduation, a huge family party, a drive California to be accompanied by several games of beerpong, a geocaching day with the father, several trips to Papago Brewery to drink real beer and several boring days spent surfing the internet and watching HBO.

If only everyday could be spent lounging around eating leftover lasagna, watching HBO and trolling Facebook, what a life that would be! Alas, one's life cannot be wasted as such though. And now I have returned to the daily grind at work.

When I finally returned to work, after passing the swine flu test, my principal came up and tried to talk to me. He said that he liked my beard and wondered if I shaved it everyday. Then he asked how often I go to the dentist to keep my teeth strong. And now today, several teachers asked me why I changed my hairstyle, but didn't wait around long enough to hear the whole story, they merely nodded and said that they liked it. So with that, I have returned to a place where my mere appearance is a novelty which doesn't grow old.

It's good to be back.