This Week's News in 30 Seconds

Just some opinions, don't get your underwear in a twist.
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We found out that tanning beds cause cancer, divorce is harmful to your health, sugar in juice and sports drinks erodes your teeth, body building with steroids is harmful to your body, the swine flu is really bad if you're pregnant, Oprah.com continues to publish self-defeating sexist garble, and that every single person and their divorced grandmother has marriage advice.

My response to these news stories: DUH!

We also learned that blue food coloring in M&Ms can stave off paralysis in spinal injuries but its side effect is Smurfification. I am not even joking.

We also found out that intelligent black men can be arrested in Mass. for being home alone and that because the president is also a black man, his opinion must be heard on every situation of race relations in the USA.

My response to this story: Both the Mass. Police Department and Professor Gates, to redirect President Obama's quote, "acted stupidly" and the situation could have been handled without bringing the subject of race into the picture if both parties acted more humanely. Additionally, when did it become the president's responsibility to publicly render opinions on cases which do not pertain to him and then publicly act as mediator between two adult parties. Obama is not our daddy and he is not our hall monitor. Deal with your own issues because the President of the United States of America has bigger things to worry about right now.

Lastly, we learned that Michael Jackson might not have been as poor as we all thought and that his doctors may have given him dangerous amounts of drugs solely because he was famous and had money.

My response to this story: FREAKING GET OVER IT ALREADY. He is dead. He got himself killed by taking too many drugs. The only thing I find fascinating about this whole situation is that he overdosed on legal drugs, and thus he is being painted as a victim. Ask yourself this, if he overdosed on cocaine or heroine would you all be so forgiving? The double standard on drug use in the USA is ridiculous. Make it all legal and tax the crap out of it. We could do with a little natural selection to weed out those who are unable to make the decision to keep themselves alive.


So it has been a slow news week. My negativity started last weekend when I tried to go to see the Harry Potter movie but it was sold out all day. Since then my mood has soured and my days have grown longer. I need my HP fix.

Gio Completes Ninja Training and Then Gets Creative

This weekend was an interesting one to say the least. Two friends and I drove out to the well hidden town of Koga, southeast of Kusatsu, in Shiga prefecture. We made this long and winding trip through the lush green hills of the Japanese countryside to do something that I have wanted to do since I was a child, become a ninja. For those of you who do not know what a ninja is, google it, or visit this website: www.realultimatepower.com But, the history of the ninja is much more entertaining and real than that website suggests. The story of the ninja of Japan usually comes down to the family feud between the Koga ninja family in Shiga prefecture and the Iga ninja family in Mie prefecture. These two families worked hard to be the best spies, assassins, scouts and recon weapons working for and protecting the feudal lords in Japan. There are countless representations of ninja throughout history and pop-culture, if you really do not know what a ninja is...you've probably already been killed by one, you just haven't noticed your own death.

In this deep forest there is a nearly impossible to get to authentic Japanese experience, ninja training. The first things I saw when I arrived was a noisy hot-dog shaped guard dog, bred from ancient Koga ninja dog genes, and wooden cutouts in the shape of multicolored ninjas. We began the manditory tour of the training ground. The first test was scaling a castle wall with nothing but one's own hands and feet. This was a challenge at first but after one connects one's soul to the tradition of this village, even the concrete and stone rampart could not keep me from achieving my destiny. The second test was the wall jump. It was quite easy after my soul searching. The third test was the "walking along the base of a wall without falling down 5 feet to your death." This test was more challenging than the previous two, yet I was able to focus my chi and succeed. Unfortunately, we lost one of our youngest comrades as the 5 year old girl fell from the wall with a thud. The fourth test was one of endurance. Us potential ninjas had to swing and walk sideways along a notched wooden wall. Each step and swing was exhausting and my hands still hurt from grabbing the wall. The fifth test was to challenge our ability to endure small spaces. We climbed down a ladder into an ancient escape hatch through the bottom of a well. The sixth test was one of grace and skill, unfortunately no one over 80 pounds could possibly succeed at the Water Spider test and my foresight saved me the pain of failure. One must work to one's own advantages and skills and gliding across a scummy pond on foam shoes is not in my skill set. The seventh test was more successful, but even though I succeeded, I swung deep into a muddy puddle. The zip-line rope was not set high enough and taught enough for a ninja of my defined... stature. As a result, I ended up sitting in mud. The eighth test was one to challenge the most important of ninja skills, killing. The shuriken, also known as the "ninja star", throwing trial was an excellent test in the fine art of assassination. Of my ten shuriken, I successfully hit two targets at 9 meters. The last test was probably the most important of all, the history lesson. We studied the typical ninja house equipped with shin breaking traps, one way doors, hidden doors, trap doors under stoves, a stone-weighted falling roof, hidden floors, pitfalls, and hidden stairs. We also learned of ninja efficiency in the art of recon and murder in the Hall of Ninja weapons. Some of the most interesting of which were collapsible boats and hand canons.

After the training was complete, those that survived received a scroll of undeniable authenticity stating that we have all been conducted into the Koga ninja family.

After our trip into the murderous past of ancient Japan, we felt like being a bit more creative. My friends and I took a drive to the most famous pottery area in all of the Kansai region of Japan. The "tanukimura" or Tanuki Village, so named for the village's adept skill at making tanuki (raccoon dog) statuary and because of the wild tanuki which roam the mountainside, was a fascinating chance to practice my pottery spinning skills. After numerous failures, I finally created 3 usable pieces; a large tea cup, a medium size rice bowl, and a large 500ml beer mug. We will see how well they look in a month or so when they are shipped to me.

That is all for now. Stay classy and watch your back...ninjas are everywhere.

A Pseudo Farewell

My last day at my visit school is quickly approaching and though I only go to this school twice every week, I have established a fairly good working relationship with my English teachers. Whereas in contrast, I am not even sure that the teachers at my base school would even notice if I did not come into work. That being said, my fellow teachers and I went out to dinner as a farewell party. Despite the scalding hot oil jumping off the hotplate onto my arms, neck, hands, and pants, the party went really well.

Japanese dinner parties are always entertaining to me because I could just sit back, not say anything, and be perfectly entertained watching the awkwardness happen on its own. The first encounter with one of these enkais is shocking, but the fiftieth is just plain-old fashion hilarity. The drink pouring phenomena is the most socially important aspects of these parties. There is a secret, unspoken competition at the table. The competition is between the people who, for some odd reason, are not drinking alcohol and the people who are. It is an honor and a mandatory rite of passage to pour bottled beer for your coworkers and it is an honor to be poured for, but the problem is that one can never have an empty glass, even a little empty. Every time I took a sip of my crudely brewed beverage someone was ready and waiting for the glass to leave my lips so they could refill my drink to the brim. I love it. Such efficiency.

At the end of the night my coworkers gave me a stone hanko (name stamp used for official documents) and some traditional red ink used for signing artwork. I was very surprised and grateful. I am going to miss this school, but I am not going to miss the hour and a half commute every morning.