久しぶりだね It has been a while, eh?

*To be read in a typical overly epic television show announcer voice*

"In the season finale of Gio and the Land of the Rising Sun, we found that our hero would be enjoying a vacation on the Islands of Hong Kong and Macau. And now, the much anticipated and much talked about return of Gio and the Land of the Rising Sun. Now in vivid Technicolor and High Definition. Or something."

On the Special Administrative Regions of Hong Kong and Macau

Well, since it has been over a month...I do not remember a damned thing. No, just kidding...(but seriously...not a damned thing.) Luckily, I only remember the terrible things and the hilarious things. If all you want to know is if I had a good time, then the answer is, "Yes, it was okay." Now you can skip to the next emboldened section entitled, "History of the World Part II."

Oh, Hong Kong, how easy it would be to despise you. I mean, with all of the people...everywhere, the constantly leaking air conditioners dropping dirty water on pedestrians from thirty floors above, the ever-present feeling of impending doom and danger from cars and buses, the wonderful and clockwork scowls present on all of the waiters/waitresses, and the unending feeling of being in someone's way...How could I not hate you, Hong Kong? But somehow, I was able to retain my objectivity and come out feeling somewhat positive about city. Despite my post-travels positivity, I have no desire to ever go back.

I suppose I should explain. From the moment I stepped off the plane I had the sneaking and constant suspicion that I was being ripped off by someone. I don't know why. Perhaps, it was merely the knowledge that there are no set prices on anything in the city and the locals expect you to haggle for their purposely overcharged items. I am not the type of person to haggle and I felt bad trying to convince a merchant to take 50 Hong Kong dollars instead of 80 for a deck of Bruce Lee cards. The inane nature of arguing over $3USD for a deck of cards hit home when one of my friends went to the same merchant and bought the same deck of cards for $5HKD cheaper. My brain almost exploded all over the Jade Market. It wasn't the money...it was the principle of it all. This is not the way economics is supposed to work. If you are willing to take any amount of money, why even have a limit, or a currency. Maybe I should have offered the merchant two chicken feet and a glass of cool ice water (which I would have undoubtedly received from a scowling half naked street vendor).

Additionally, from the moment I stepped off of the express train from the airport, I was being accosted by foreigners trying to sell me custom made suits. On every street, on every island, outside of every subway station there was inevitable an Indian man (or 6) lurking behind mailboxes or pacing on corners waving business cards in men's faces tempting them to respond. The situation progressed the same way every time I stepped out of the hotel. And it got so bad that by the end of my trip I didn't want to leave the hotel. There was one famous incident where I had left my traveling companions to escape for some Starbucks joy and solitude. On my way back to the hotel, I was attacked by 12 suit hawkers in 3 blocks. And on one encounter the frustration and the desire to escape the man's purple shirted presence led me into the street and almost to my immediate demise at the hands of a speeding taxi. Honestly, the instant death would have been preferable to the 30 seconds I spent standing next to this man attempting to tell him that I didn't want his cheap suit. Of course, the game totally changes when they know you speak English. It got to the point where I could feel their presence from half a block away. It was like some anti-annoyance Jedi sense. Finally, I just started yelling at them so that they would leave me alone. And by the end of the trip I wanted to carry an unsheathed sword around the city ominously. I contemplated buying a suit and walking up and down the street taking all of their business cards. (Like I wanted to wear a suit in Hong Kong in August...it was 98degrees with 1700% humidity.)

Overall, it was an entertaining trip. And though I have no desire to ever go back, that doesn't mean I didn't have fun. I have entertaining memories of the "Wice Nudol" (a.k.a "Rice Noodle") lady who looked like a combination of Anne Ramsey (Mama Fratelli from the Goonies), and Baaba (the old witch from Miyazaki's Spirited Away). We ordered 4 of the cheapest beers on the menu, thinking them to be human sized beers, to our surprise they were 1.5Liter bottles. When they arrived, we all laughed. I also have fond memories of eating Peking duck at a restaurant across the street from the hotel...twice, consuming a wonderful sized steak and a couple of huge German beers at a German beer hall, and of touring all of the city and taking nice pictures, despite the miserable typhoon weather. My favorite place was the Avenue of Stars, where terrible Hong Kong martial arts actors/actresses go to rest.

As for Macau, I am a bit more undecided. Seeing as we only spent a few hours there I am unsure if I saw everything I wanted to see. I would have liked to go gambling but none of my traveling companions were up for that. I also noticed that Macau is very beautiful, but seeing as taking one step out of the air conditioning in this part of the world in August is the same as jumping into an Old Spice scented pool, I felt rather uncomfortable leaving the hotel. In the end, I would like to go back to Macau I think, when I have tons of money and air conditioned business suits. China can keep Hong Kong though, I don't want it.

"Next time on Gio and the Land of the Rising Sun, Silver Week extravaganza: fun, games, drinking, traveling and photos."